It was May 2012 and I was walking out of my office. My co-worker asked me “Michelle, what are you going to do?” I shrugged my shoulders as I looked at her and replied “Let go and let God. That’s what they say right?” THEY. I was referring to Christians.
I didn’t really consider myself to be a Christian anymore. Sure, I had been taught about God and Jesus as a child and had gone to church as an adult. I had even begged, pleaded, and bargained with God to give me a baby. Promising that I would raise her in the church and teach her to love Him.
I don’t know how it happened, but I had lost my faith and decided that God was a possibility but Jesus was a “character” -- a myth.
“Let go and let God.” I had heard that statement so many times in my life, probably even said it to a few people, but never did it have so much meaning to me as it did now. You see, I had been diagnosed with a rare and incurable disease known as Intracranial Hypertension. I was in a great deal of pain and all of the medications had failed. The only option left was surgery and I would need to be away from work for 4-6 weeks.
I had been in so much pain and had so many doctor visits leading up to the surgery that I had exhausted all but a few days of my sick leave. It would be 30 days before I would be eligible short term disability and my family depended on my pay check. I remember saying to my co-worker as I walked out the door that I was going to let go and let God and at the time I didn’t really know what that meant. I really started to think about it though. I prayed when I got to my car. I asked God to take care of my family. I shared this with my husband. He pretty much said that if there was a God it was going to have to be up to Him to take care of us.
In the weeks and months that followed we came to know and trust God intimately. The 4-6 weeks turned into over four months and the one surgery turned into more than a dozen. I continued to battle the disease and I had no idea what my future held but I realized I was more at peace than I had been in a long time. Our bills were being paid and we couldn’t logically explain how it was all falling into place.
We knew it was God. He had taken a mustard seed of hope and grew it into a flourishing garden of confident, wonderful, unashamed, abandoned faith. I knew God, and I knew Jesus Christ! We talked frequently about what God was doing in our lives and started listening to Christian radio stations. We had often said that we would like to find a church home when I became stable again, but until then we had the music to lift us up. Oh, how the music spoke to me and filled me up!
As the weeks moved on and we were on our way to the hospital yet again, we received news from family that my niece’s mother had moved her several hours away. I was angry and afraid for her safety. As I angrily relayed my concerns to my husband, he reminded me that I should be praying- not shouting. I immediately turned to God and prayed for love, safety, and protection for my niece. Within 3 days I received a phone call from my brother. He said that his ex-wife was bringing their daughter back to him. He asked if she could live with my family, explaining that he would not have money to help care for her and didn’t expect her mother to offer any. I told my husband of the request and we instantly agreed that it was an answer to prayers. We agreed without even wondering how we would provide for her. We knew God would take care of her the same way He had taken care of us. She came to live with us before the week was out, on the same day I had one of the surgeries.
Jessica has been a daughter to Darrell and me and a big sister to our daughter, Maddie, for almost 4 years. We found a church home in November 2012 where Jessica and Maddie accepted Christ and were baptized.
As for me, well, I have had a few more brain surgeries since 2012. I’m still battling the disease, but I have been healed.
Jeremiah 3:22 “Turn back, unfaithful people, and I’ll heal your unfaithfulness.” 'Look, we’re coming to you because you are the LORD our God.'"
2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."